tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post8960289508364023112..comments2024-03-29T04:16:43.389-04:00Comments on Reggie Darling: Reggie's Advice For the Tongue-Tied Guest at Table Amongst StrangersReggie Darlinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04044215790585354363noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-11097460548319036232014-08-28T19:30:43.449-04:002014-08-28T19:30:43.449-04:00I simply love this blog post and will be posting a...I simply love this blog post and will be posting a link to it on my own blog tomorrow - I hope that is OK with you<br />Neena Neena Shilvockhttp://www.capriliciousjewellery.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-58126515040005729082012-09-17T13:33:45.904-04:002012-09-17T13:33:45.904-04:00I want to know Patsy's weight? Or if she want...I want to know Patsy's weight? Or if she wants to only reveal her BMI I am okay with that. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-42659632042654842642010-09-30T00:57:04.865-04:002010-09-30T00:57:04.865-04:00Dear Reggie,
you seem to be
just that
a darlin...Dear Reggie, <br /><br />you seem to be<br /><br />just that<br /><br />a darling...<br /><br />Bethby land by air by seahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14244944447278013755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-72487149390859827192010-09-24T06:32:04.090-04:002010-09-24T06:32:04.090-04:00"I believe we've meet in a tattoo parlor?..."I believe we've meet in a tattoo parlor?"<br />Guaranteed to ignite conversation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-78001394468754919122010-09-23T15:32:52.529-04:002010-09-23T15:32:52.529-04:00If I were lucky enought to be seated next to Patsy...If I were lucky enought to be seated next to Patsy, I would certainly ask "How old are you" to which I think she might have some sort of quick witted retort. I always manage to have a fun time at events, no matter if I am seated to what my husband and I call "heavy furniture."<br />I rather like when hosts advise guests to change seats in between courses.<br />Cheers to lively dinner parties at home and at social functions!<br />pvepve designhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03527745630303158002noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-76079164332490577372010-09-22T09:00:09.456-04:002010-09-22T09:00:09.456-04:00Anon 10:19: Reggie is pleased to learn that your d...Anon 10:19: Reggie is pleased to learn that your dinner party was a success and not a train wreck of shouting, drunken, dueling sisters-in-law. But he is shocked that one of them angrily pounded the table, since he does not consider such vehemence to be ladylike or appropriate party behavior. However, if she was upset that such classes are not being offered in public schools then he believes her anger was well placed, and will cut her some slack here. If, on the other hand if she was upset that taxpayer money was being (supposedly) wasted on such classes, then Reggie would have had a hard time not angrily pounding the table himself, as he strongly believes that teaching of art and similar courses should be part of every child's education. And Reggie thanks you very much for commenting here not once, but twice!Reggie Darlinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04044215790585354363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-21766137771273655462010-09-22T08:51:06.570-04:002010-09-22T08:51:06.570-04:00Dear Southern Man: Thank you for your delightful c...Dear Southern Man: Thank you for your delightful comment, and welcome. Reggie is highly respectful of the South and its great traditions. His mother's side of the family were southerners (grandfather went to the University of Virginia and grandmother went to Sweetbriar, plus lots of male relatives went to VMI). Also, many of his friends are Southerners, too. In fact, his closest friend outside his marriage is a Southerner (South Carolina boy) and attended Sewanee, where I spent a very pleasant long weekend once, ambling through the memoried halls of that great institution. I must admit, Reggie never saw so many bow ties worn in one place as he did there outside of a debutante ball. As far as what to say to boring people, Reggie believes that it is incumbent upon people NOT to be boring in the first place. But if one is confronted with such bores and cannot graciously exit such company post-haste, one must--I am afraid, buck up and pursue a line of questioning that elicts responses that then lead to further questioning of the "do you really think so?" sort. And if said bore remains a dud, then Reggie advises skedaddling away as soon as possible and finding more like-minded companions. And if that doesn't work, well, then hitting the bottle and making one's own party is the only thing one can do, isn't it? As far as your plans for the Sewanee weekend, I think making your own party as you describe it sounds marvelous, and Reggie's only regret is that he will not be there to enjoy it with you for he knows he would have a good time and would certainly have lot's to talk about, too.Reggie Darlinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04044215790585354363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-43459495577822312462010-09-21T11:23:29.813-04:002010-09-21T11:23:29.813-04:00Reggie-
Just started following your blog and ha...Reggie- <br /><br />Just started following your blog and have really enjoyed what I have read so far. Wonderful job ! Wonderful thoughts on how not to be the boring man at the next party you attend... I think I shall take your advice to heart , and try not to be so ..well, unapproachable. But alas, this leads to my next concern... What to do when your company is perfectly boring ? and you are stuck with them for the evening ? Short of drinking heavily...or imagining that they are all insects... it can be difficult... People these days... it seems all they want to talk about is Dancing With The Stars or college football... <br /><br />For context a few confessions are in order... I am a Southern Man..think what you will about that exclamation, but it is true...and so my events and gatherings relate less to Princeton and Yale and more to The University of Alabama and Sewanee... Don't be hatin' on me just yet... Some of these "public" schools down South, have marvelous traditions, etc etc... and although the stadium in Tuscaloosa may be filled with 100,000 cargo short and tshirt wearing baffoons, there are many rather impressive traditions and folks about as well... <br /><br />So, my girlfriend and I will be attending Parent's weekend at her son's school (Sewanee) in a few weeks..We attended last year and..well, it was terribly boring... Small school but neither of us are 3rd generation Sewanee legacies so we aren't exactly part of the "in crowd" there... so it seemed we found ourselves sitting in the room with the Indian transfer student and the blind guy with his cane...(think Animal House rush scene..)<br /><br />This year I hope to bring some of the crowd to us... We have reserved a decent cabin (lodgings in the area are sparse) and hope to bring along china, silver, linens and libations to create our own little gathering for her son, his girlfriend, her family and perhaps a few others ? <br /><br />Any thoughts or suggestions ? <br /><br />Again, kudos for your wonderful blog... I look forward to reading more when I can find time...<br /><br />Southern ManSouthern Manhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09106117106688083188noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-56466682606283186602010-09-21T10:19:29.821-04:002010-09-21T10:19:29.821-04:00Dear Reggie, Just wanted to report back from last ...Dear Reggie, Just wanted to report back from last night's dinner party. All-in-all it went very well. The wine flowed and the sister-in-laws were separated at table, Mr. NYC honoree was seated beside me (someone said he likes pretty blondes??) and he was a delightful dinner guest and very easy with conversation. During the entire evening I let everyone I spoke with talk entirely about themselves and it is the way to go! How are your grandchildren(she had 10, that took a while), how is your knee (oh! you have to have surgery?), did you travel this summer? - just easy questions and patience. Lots of patience. Everyone just wants attention! I will say that near the end one sister-in-law did get a bit loud and pound the table about "no music and art in the public school systems"--- but it passed quickly. Love your articles and read them every day. Reggie Darling you are just divine!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-75885755474656585222010-09-21T06:52:00.178-04:002010-09-21T06:52:00.178-04:00Patsy: You get the award for the best comment here...Patsy: You get the award for the best comment here! Hilarious.<br /><br />Anon 4:40: Why thank you! I hope the party went well.<br /><br />LPC and Lindaraxa: There are times it is appropriate to break the contract and let one's fellow guest have it. Stay tuned for a follow on post where Reggie reveals when he did so out of sheer exasperation at the lunkishness of a fellow guest at a party one evening.<br /><br />Kitten: Thank you for your comment, and welcome to RD.<br /><br />Edith Hope: Most amusing, indeed.<br /><br />Voicetalk: I am sure that if you were to sing at table it would inspire LOTS of conversation for the rest of the evening.<br /><br />Magnus: Marvelous post, Reggie is beside himself trying to figure out who these ladies might be . . . and he believes the contrast with the preferred company of the RHONJ is too delicious.<br /><br />Anon 3:04: Spending an evening trapped with wine-fueled, volume-challenged, dueling sisters-in-law sounds rather grueling to Reggie. He hopes that you and other like-minded guests were able to retire to another room and make your own, more pleasant party until the storm blew over, or at least until one of them passed out on the sofa.Reggie Darlinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04044215790585354363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-72232595034310806612010-09-21T06:35:56.287-04:002010-09-21T06:35:56.287-04:00Karena: Yes, gardening is an excellent topic for c...Karena: Yes, gardening is an excellent topic for conversation I find. <br /><br />Brohammas: In the rare times when Reggie chooses not to drink, he finds spending an evening with others of the imbibulous sort rather tedious, and progressively so as the evening progresses. He commends you for your patience. <br /><br />Ancient: Reggie, too, finds his willingness to attend benefits has diminished as he has matured, and quite happily so. And he also believes that your advice to Brohammas is excellent, as such an explanation for one's abstemiousness cannot then promote shouts of encouragement by the happy drunks at table to break one's resolve to abstain.<br /><br />Sister and Baker Martin: Those are worthy subjects, indeed.Reggie Darlinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04044215790585354363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-46447159526591851292010-09-20T15:04:09.667-04:002010-09-20T15:04:09.667-04:00Dear Reggie, So timely! I am attending a small di...Dear Reggie, So timely! I am attending a small dinner party this evening. I do not know the honored guests but know everyone else in attendance and it will be quite a mixed bag. I have been worried all weekend about those untimely conversational pauses........but your post has given me the confidence I think I'll need this evening! Your suggestions are perfect. In this group there are two sister-in-laws that do not particularly "love" each other and are a bit competitive. Both of these women seem to up their volumne and competitiveness at the second glass of wine. One of these two women is bringing her sometimes-charming son (he has those fake teeth he pops in and out and pretends to be someone else,oh my!) who thinks he is a comic when no one else does. The two honorees are from NYC and this party is "down South" so it should be an exciting dinner - don't you think? Wish you could be sitting on the crown molding watching! Wish me luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-57981492581365450942010-09-20T09:17:46.083-04:002010-09-20T09:17:46.083-04:00I'm with Baker Martin- I've always found t...I'm with Baker Martin- I've always found that "what are you reading?" or "what movies have you seen?" are a great way to break the ice. It's also a truism that most people are utterly fascinated by themselves, and asking about their houses, travels, experiences will keep the conversation flowing, although taken to its extreme, this can be an excercise in masochism. The older I get, though, the more I side with Ancient. I am in a service/sales business where I have to make pleasant talk - both big and small all day long with people I like, people I don't care about and people I actively dislike. The idea of getting home, feeding the dog and heading out again to repeat the process with random party goers whose only commonality is that they too paid for a ticket to an event, is positively painful. I increasingly resort to sending my regrets and a check. Not to focus on the negative, but the last benefit I attended was too typical of what can happen. I was reluctant to go, but the event's organizer called me to tell me that he would make certain that I had "the best seat in the house". It turned out to be smack between two very well known "socialites". One spoke in that breathless, Jackie O whisper adopted by a number of society types of a certain age and of uncertain lineage. I couldn't hear a word she said and, Ancient style, resorted to nodding and smiling. I "breathed a sigh of relief" when the table turned, only to find that the "socialite" on my left was messily and argumentatively drunk. Pleading an early morning meeting, I fled as the dessert was served- and cursed myself for not staying home and having dinner on a tray in front of The Real Housewives of New Jersey.magnushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09181183756484194127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-27578951445728554982010-09-19T22:48:40.002-04:002010-09-19T22:48:40.002-04:00Perhaps it was a hint, but my husband gave me Marg...Perhaps it was a hint, but my husband gave me Margaret Shepard's book The Art of Conversation a few years ago. Like your post, the book gives the reader an excellent primer in the 'how' of 'what' to do at a party or event.Daniel Shigohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12736080550398734909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-89444225199626040362010-09-19T12:26:47.400-04:002010-09-19T12:26:47.400-04:00Dear Reggie, You are absolutely right in that ther...Dear Reggie, You are absolutely right in that there is no such thing as a free lunch or dinner, there is most certainly an obligation on the part of the dinner guest to be representative of, what I should term, 'good value'. In my view, people are rarely interested in what one has to say about oneself and so, it is incumbent upon one to keep asking questions centred upon the person whom one is addressing. If all else fails I find that mentioning the demerits of a substantially younger husband [ which is but a myth, but I can sound very convincing] usually works a treat in engaging interest.<br /><br />Having said all of this, I now feel that I have reached an age where I do whatever I please and avoid any event that may be boring or too much like hard work.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-87035942816589496222010-09-18T11:56:19.357-04:002010-09-18T11:56:19.357-04:00Wonderful post, Reggie! Glad to see there's a...Wonderful post, Reggie! Glad to see there's another William Hamilton fan in the crowd!<br />xo,<br />KittenKitten vanderKellenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03397019751469971077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-6877395328208903192010-09-18T10:45:19.342-04:002010-09-18T10:45:19.342-04:00Ah, the benefit dinner...what a bore. I once host...Ah, the benefit dinner...what a bore. I once hosted a table at a benefit dinner in NYC where my date was seated between my boss's wife and me. She proceeeded to monopolize him for the entire evening and towards the end she even had her hand on his knee! Now that is a problem. Said date never spoke to me for the rest of the evening. That was indeed more of a problem for he was a wonderful "benefit escort". Now I ask you, dear Reggie, what would you have done had you been me????<br /><br />Like you, dearest Reggie, I can talk to a doorknob which is very unfortunate for I am always the sacrificial lamb and end up seated next to the Evening Bore. Now, whilst I am a big believer in the social contract and have danced the dance for many years, I have recently decided enough is enough. People like that are often excused as "shy" and it is simply not fair to the rest of us. If they want to be "shy" so be it. Let them sulk in their own misery. It's been my experience that after you leave them alone for a few minutes, someone across the table will come to the rescue and sometimes that does the trick.lindaraxahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15721286284279902181noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-2090649666002294902010-09-18T04:40:03.635-04:002010-09-18T04:40:03.635-04:00Dear Reggie, Just a note to say thank you. Read yo...Dear Reggie, Just a note to say thank you. Read your post this morning and had a very important dinner party to attend tonight. I was a bit nervous. Thank you for reminding me that 'and then what did you do'? and 'then what happened'? are magic! Well, I feel good tonight, in a very large part due to you. Best wishes always, JoyceAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-20875579361466803832010-09-18T00:13:16.263-04:002010-09-18T00:13:16.263-04:00I, too, want to sit next to Patsy!I, too, want to sit next to Patsy!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-56627164281023119452010-09-17T21:00:23.436-04:002010-09-17T21:00:23.436-04:00Fabulous fun post. Nothing worse than getting stuc...Fabulous fun post. Nothing worse than getting stuck with a boring dinner partner. Luckily I don't have to go to many functions but I'm with Baker Martin - I usually ask about what they're reading or perhaps if they've seen any good films lately. And laughed out loud reading Patsy's comment.quintessencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14484326999396839391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-65261485017005159762010-09-17T19:33:47.110-04:002010-09-17T19:33:47.110-04:00I want to sit next to Patsy!I want to sit next to Patsy!yoga teachernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-48142866507402518932010-09-17T13:36:44.721-04:002010-09-17T13:36:44.721-04:00Ah, the social contract. Ah, conversation. Two pil...Ah, the social contract. Ah, conversation. Two pillars of our shared culture. And ones which the modern world would do not to discard. You, Reggie, of course, are a paragon of both. Smooches from California.LPChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18209861350905135093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-63945555116625466032010-09-17T12:42:52.999-04:002010-09-17T12:42:52.999-04:00I usually ask women how much they weigh and men ho...I usually ask women how much they weigh and men how much they make. Of course I don't get invited back, unless I promise to bring the blow.<br /><br />;-)<br /><br />Excellent suggestions, Reggie. I've found that most people really do enjoy being asked about themselves.Patsyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02840629057159581688noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-86218111132397410692010-09-17T12:07:28.524-04:002010-09-17T12:07:28.524-04:00I'm a reader and I find that questions like &q...I'm a reader and I find that questions like "What are you reading now?" and "What's in your book pile?" work. I've been known to ask perfect strangers what they're reading. It's a neutral topic that will open endless discussions.Baker Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09952568779982661586noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044541580633294348.post-55541560735779381012010-09-17T10:41:24.930-04:002010-09-17T10:41:24.930-04:00If there is a hint of a grandchild, particularly a...If there is a hint of a grandchild, particularly a new one, you will have an excellent conversation direction and your dinner partner will find you charming.<br /><br />If your dinner partner is newly married or engaged, asking how they met is usually good for a few minutes.Cate Fitthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12835720513248934609noreply@blogger.com