An Autumn Black-Tie Dinner at Darlington House, Part I: Planning the Party

This is the first of a two-part series that I am writing on what it takes to throw a  formal dinner party at Darlington House.  I am sharing it with you, Dear Reader, because I thought you might be interested to learn how we plan for such events, and what it requires to successfully carry off such a party--at least the way that we do them.  I hope you enjoy it.


It’s that time of year again, when we resume throwing formal dinner parties at Darlington House.  During warm weather we usually concentrate our entertaining on informal, intimate gatherings, often on our screened porch, either dinner for four or six, or maybe a dozen for cocktails.  But when the weather turns cool our sights move indoors, and we start to plan dinner and cocktail parties for more guests.  We also ratchet up the formality of our gatherings.

A typical formal dinner party at Darlington House

We didn't do a lot of entertaining this summer.  Not only were we were away a lot, but when we were at Darlington we mostly wanted to keep our time there low key, letting off steam from the busy week.  Ideally that meant at least one or two weekends a month when it was just the two of us for dinner on a Saturday night, the big entertaining evening in the county--at least among those of us with weekend houses there.

Ah, the glamorous life on the benefit circuit . . .

Another reason we didn’t entertain much this summer was that there were a lot of benefit parties to go to, since summer is the season when the county cranks up the frequency of parties supporting worthy causes.  And this summer there seemed to be dueling benefit cocktail and dinner parties almost every weekend where friends were on the committees, so we had to make an appearance from time to time.  Although Reggie enjoys getting out and about, several weekends in a row of benefit dinners is enough to make anyone want to stay home on a Saturday night, Reggie included.

Switching one's place card is frowned upon at Darlington House

I’m pleased, though, to report that this summer we actually got invited to a large, private cocktail garden party, thrown by one of the blogosphere’s most prolific lifestyle mavens.  And it was fun!  It was so nice to finally be invited to someone’s bash--and believe me this was a real bash--where we weren’t expected to write a check for the privilege of attending it . . . for a change.  I’d begun to wonder, does anyone throw big private parties any more?

It is generally accepted among polite society that
everyone looks better when dressed for dinner

Anyway, getting back to the subject at hand, back in September Boy invited his closest friend from college, Jasper Lambert, and his girlfriend, Francesca Montmore, to spend the weekend with us at Darlington House later this month.  Boy and I agreed that we should throw a dinner party in their honor during their visit, and that we would ask our guests to dress for the dinner, in black tie.  Not only did we want to celebrate the visit of our dear friends, but we coincidentally owed a number of other couples that had entertained us beautifully return invites (see Reggie’s Rules for Social Reciprocity, Parts I and II), and who we thought would be delightful additions to the party.  Fortunately they were free to join us.

Uh-oh, time to go home!

But Reggie notes that large, formal dinner parties don’t just happen: it takes effort to make such parties appear effortless.  Successful ones take a lot of planning, organization, and work to pull off.  And not just by the hosts, either, but also by the service providers that help make such things happen seamlessly.  For starters that includes our housekeeper, Karyn, and our all-around handyman, Rich, who are responsible for getting Darlington House looking its absolute best for such an event--it takes lots of tending and polishing to set the place a-gleaming.  And then, of course, there is the collaboration with and planning of every detail of the menu, presentation, and staffing with our most-beloved caterers, who were--much to our relief--able and willing to again take on such a commitment for us.

"Say, what wine can you recommend
to serve with fois gras?"

As far as the setup goes, we've already selected which table cloth and napkins to use, and what china and silver we shall set the table with.  Boy has already bought the candles (we will light over forty of them that night).  We still need to choose the wines we will serve, and we'll need to pick up the chocolates and sweet meats for the table, for after dinner.  The day before the party Boy and I will make an early morning trip to the flower district in Manhattan to buy the flowers that Boy will then arrange the day of the party.

Some people might ask, "Reggie, I understand that you enjoy throwing parties, but why are you requiring your male guests to dress up in black tie, and the ladies to don dresses?  Isn't it an inconvenient bother for them?  What if your guests haven't got the necessary clothes?"  To which Reggie answers: "No, it is no bother at all!  I and my friends enjoy dressing for dinner.  Because, Dear Reader, Reggie and his friends are grown-ups, and we like dressing like adults.  Dressing for dinner makes the evening more festive and elegant."  Besides, most of the people Reggie knows already own suitable clothes for such an evening.  It is simply a matter of pulling them out and putting them on.

A well-run party requires a sufficient number of staff

I can assure you that Darlington will be a frenzy of activity leading up to the party, reaching a crescendo several hours beforehand when the caterer and the serving staff arrive.  Reggie slips away from the hubbub an hour or so before our guests are asked to arrive, in order to bathe and dress unhurriedly before the party.   He allows himself one drink while dressing.

Reggie recommends having a dozen white waiters jackets
on hand in different sizes for your servers to wear,
as we do at Darlington House

As I've written before, we enjoy the planning and execution of throwing a party and consider it to be good fun.  Reggie relishes the preparations for a swell party, all of which pleasantly culminate in the delightful feeling of satisfaction, pleasure, and anticipation he has when standing at Darlington House’s door, elegantly dressed and with a drink in his hand, waiting to greet his guests as they arrive for what will—he knows—be a lovely and memorable evening, indeed.

Next: Part II: The Countdown, in which I recount the day-by-day planning and preparations required to throw our party.


Images from the following sources: Getty Images, Corbis Images, Zazzle.com, LIFE Archive, William Hamilton's "Anti-Social Register"